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Archives for July 2013

More Boomers Divorcing After Years of Marriage

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by Houston Divorce Attorney Sam M. “Trey” Yates, III

Note: This article was originally published in the July 17, 2013 issue of The Houston Chronicle Senior Living Special Section.

While the overall divorce rate in the U.S. has declined since 1990, it has doubled for those older than 50, according to a recent story in the AARP Bulletin. The trend has become so significant researchers are calling it “gray divorce, “ and project one out of three boomers will face older age unmarried.

Reasons vary from “we just grew apart,” to changes in jobs, interests, goals, health, children’s lives or personal ambitions.  And then there’s longevity.

“We live so much longer now,” said Dr. Pepper Schwartz. “Today’s 65-year-olds can envision at least 20 more active years, and they don’t want those years to be frustrating or disappointing.”

Since 1986, Trey Yates, a board-certified, Houston­ based family-law attorney, has served the legal needs of many women clients whose marriages are ending at mid-life.

“Divorcing women in this age group can face some of the biggest financial and personal challenges,” Yates said. “Yet, I am also seeing many who come to view divorce as an opportunity to emerge stronger, wiser, and in more control of their destinies than ever before.”

Yates created an educational program titled “The Guide to Good Divorce,” designed to help women get the information and support they need to transition successfully through the divorce process to a healthier, happier life.

The half-day “Guide to Good Divorce seminars include expert presentations about the law of divorce in Texas, divorce financial planning, life skills, and physical and spiritual wellness.

Sam M. “Trey” Yates, III is a Houston-based Board Certified Family Law Attorney and creator of The Guide to Good Divorce seminars for women. Our next Guide to Good Divorce seminar is Saturday, July 20, 2013, from 8:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. at Unity of Houston; to register, visit our seminar page or call 713-932-7177.

Loving Life After Divorce

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by Houston Divorce Attorney Sam M. “Trey” Yates, III

Note: This article was originally published in the July 2013 issue of Change Magazine.

As a board certified family law attorney practicing in the area of divorce and related family law matters since 1986, I have had the professional and personal pleasure of working with many women as they face one of life’s greatest challenges—divorce.

At a time when many feel they have lost control over almost every aspect of their lives—financial, emotional, and spiritual—they are thrust into an unfamiliar legal maze and are called upon to make important, irreversible life changing decisions.

The sense of security they once knew is yanked out from beneath them and the loneliness of their journey can be overwhelming. I have found that some women going through the transition known as divorce fare better than others.

Those who see divorce as a catalyst to propel them into their next best life can emerge stronger, wiser, and in more control of their destinies than ever before.

One of my clients, Pat P., was unhappily married for more than 25 years. For many of those years she expected to someday be divorced. When the time came, Pat faced a variety of challenges and fears about her future.

“The very moment divorce was a certainty, fear appeared,” Pat told me. “I don’t scare easily, but the intensity of it got my attention. I dealt with it by identifying exactly what the fear was and then deciding how to manage it.”

Not unlike many of my clients, Pat’s concerns were primarily about money and her changing identity. Would she have enough to live on after the divorce? Would she need to rely on her new business that was just barely up and running? Who was she now that she wasn’t half of a couple, or someone’s wife?

“To address my money fears, I made a conscious decision that I would do my best to ensure I got everything that I was due by law,” Pat said. “I didn’t want any more than my fair share, but I absolutely wouldn’t take a penny less. This meant I had to completely understand the financial part of our community property.”

It wasn’t easy, but Pat worked hard and sought the help of others to fully understand her legal and financial rights while going through divorce. She engaged in the process and believed in herself and her capabilities. I saw a dramatic transformation in Pat as she took control of her life.

“I started running again,” she told me one day. “I used to love running and now I am back into it.”

She soon announced she was learning to eat better to get the results she wanted from running. Pat was changing right before my eyes.

“I feel better, look better, sleep better, and deal with stress better,” Pat told me further into her divorce process. “I also started playing the piano again, meditating, spending more time with good friends, and reconnecting with some I had lost touch with. I have even updated my wardrobe.”

Pat’s story is just one of many I have witnessed over the years as my clients work through the divorce process. In fact, their stories have been so inspiring to me, I now lead seminars for women to assist them in collectively finding the tools, or keys, they need to find the same success Pat and others have found post-divorce.

Called The Guide to Good Divorce, our seminars are designed to empower women to successfully navigate through divorce toward a fuller, healthier, and happier life. The program focuses on The Five Keys I believe can unlock the door to a woman’s best life following divorce: securing expert legal representation, sorting out finances, refreshing life skills, attaining wellness, and making new connections.

At the seminar, attendees have access to experts on the law of divorce in Texas, divorce financial planning, life skills, and physical and spiritual wellness. In addition, they can meet and share with others facing similar challenges in order to start building new communities of support.

I often remind my clients about the story of the butterfly. Once a humble caterpillar crawling around on the forest floor, the butterfly emerges beautiful, graceful, soaring above the trees, above the forest itself—free, unrestricted, and fulfilled as her true self. What was discomfort for the caterpillar was a divine discontent—the need for a better life. Her instincts told her that where there is true desire, there will be fulfillment.

Sam M. “Trey” Yates, III is a Houston-based Board Certified Family Law Attorney and creator of The Guide to Good Divorce seminars for women. Our next Guide to Good Divorce seminar is Saturday, July 20, 2013, from 8:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. at Unity of Houston; to register, visit our seminar page or call 713-932-7177.

Modifications of Prior Court Orders

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by Houston Divorce Attorney Sam M. “Trey” Yates, III

A Motion to Modify is a written request to the court asking to change a previous order. In family law, that can mean changing things like child custody or visitation, child support, or other provisions found in a divorce decree or order concerning the parent-child relationship.  Under the Texas Family Code, an existing order in a family law case can be modified or set aside, but that act must be done by a court of competent jurisdiction.  That means that parties must present their request to change the terms of their order to the court that has jurisdiction to hear the case, typically the court that entered the order sought to be changed. If, however, one or both parties have moved away since the last order or other substantial changes have occurred, there may be a jurisdictional question that an experienced attorney who is a family law specialist will be able to advise you on. Remember, an agreement by the parties is not enough to effect a change to the existing court order, even if it’s in writing, and one who relies on such an agreement and acts in violation of a court order is at risk of being found in contempt of court.

The first step in the process of modifying a court order in Texas would be to file a motion to modify and request a hearing. The motion or ‘pleading’ should specify the change that is being requested in enough detail to be clearly understood by the judge. Once filed, the pleading will have to be served on the opposing party. Further, there are specific legal requirements that must be met in order for the court to even consider a request for modification. An experienced family law attorney will be familiar with the requirements of the Texas Family Code, and be able to explain to you why you do or do not meet the requirements. A material and substantial change in circumstances is one of the primary legal requirements that must be satisfied, in order to seek the modification of an existing order concerning the parent-child relationship.  Some of the types of things that may reach the level required to satisfy the “material and substantial change” burden are:

  • Change in employment that involves a significant change in income, work hours or travel
  • Change in parenting schedule involving a substantial shift in time children spend in each parent’s home
  • Parent moving significantly further from or closer to children
  • Change in a child’s home environment, for better or worse (ex: incidents of abuse of a spouse or child or drug/alcohol abuse, or therapy and/or treatment leading to recovery)
  • Habitual violations of the existing court order
  • Parent is convicted of a crime, such as crime of violence, sexual assault, or domestic violence

Save yourself the expense and frustration of filing a modification and going to court, just to learn that your circumstances do not meet the legal requirements set out in the Texas Family Code. Seek out the advice of an experienced attorney first, preferably one who is board certified in family law by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization.

Assuming that your circumstances meet the requirements of the Texas Family Code to proceed with a modification, an experienced family law attorney will be able to prepare your modification so that it meets the various pleading requirements, and get it filed with the appropriate court in the proper jurisdiction.

Some common reasons people may seek a modification are that they want to move, or they learn the other parent got a raise in salary at work, or they become concerned that there may be abuse, neglect or domestic violence occurring in the home with the other parent. Many times the reason for moving or amount of salary change will not reach the level of “material and substantial change” required by the Texas Family Code for the court to consider your request to modify. For example, a change in salary that will not result in a change of at least $100 per month when the child support guidelines are applied will not support a modification sought three or more years after an existing order. But a significant shift in the amount of time children spend in the home of one parent over the other may be sufficient to satisfy the material and substantial change requirement.  Family law attorneys will usually offer consultations during which your reasons for wanting to modify can be discussed, and the attorney will offer his opinion as to the likelihood of success and other factors and options to consider.

Of course, if you suspect that your child is in immediate danger when in the home of the other parent, your concerns should be reported immediately. The Department of Family and Protective Services has a toll free number, and reports of suspected abuse or family violence remain anonymous. Every report will be investigated and the Department will become involved, possibly including removing the child from the home, if their investigation confirms the abuse or reveals a reason to believe abuse is occurring. Some circumstances of neglect or abuse may not reach the level of immediate danger to the child required for CPS involvement, but will still satisfy the material and substantial change required by the Texas Family Code to seek a modification. Discuss your concerns with an attorney experienced in family law, particularly in cases of possibl family violence and/or abuse.

When seeking to modify an order affecting the parent-child relationship, the strongest tool in a parent’s arsenal is the advice and guidance of an experienced attorney who is board certified in family law by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization. Here at The Law Office of Sam M. “Trey” Yates, III, P.C., we have more than 20 years of experience handling a wide variety of family law matters, and we will guide you every step of the way. With our help, you can be assured that you will approach your modification case with a realistic understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of your case, an idea of the likely outcome, and knowledge of the various alternative options available.

Sam M. “Trey” Yates, III is a Houston-based Board Certified Family Law Attorney and creator of The Guide to Good Divorce seminars for women. If you need an attorney to assist you with the modification of an order affecting the parent-child relationship in Harris, Fort Bend, Brazoria, Montgomery or Galveston Counties, or the surrounding area, please contact The Law Office of Sam M. “Trey” Yates, III, P.C. for a consultation.

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SAM M. (TREY) YATES, III, P.C. 2003.

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